Finding Balance

I feel like my life has turned into a gigantic roller coaster ride.

I’m talking the super freaky scream your way through it kind of ride which makes you want to yell, “Stop the ride! I want to get off!”

The last few months have been anything but easy. First I went back to work after fifteen years as a stay at home mom. Then I moved, had a short skin cancer scare, and was forced to take a leave of absence from school.

But the whole truth is that in the midst of all of this, I got divorced.

My life has been turned upside down so many times in recent months, that I’m not sure I really know which way is up anymore.

I’m tired and stressed out, worried about my kids, and money and the future. I’m wondering if I’ll be able to finish school. All in all, I’m finding it hard some days not to wallow in self-pity.

As much as I wanted the divorce, the truth is I’m heart-broken. I never imagined that after sixteen years it would all end like this.

I try so hard to find moments of joy and to hold onto them, but I struggle to find balance.

So I haven’t been around much lately. I don’t really feel like I have anything funny to say and find it very difficult to get into trying to take a great picture of a bowl of ice cream, no matter how damn good it was!

All I can do is take it one day at a time.  And today I’m going to get lost in the sight of the sun setting over the horizon…

Thank you for being patient with me!

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Comments

  1. 1

    Ann and I were talking about you the other night, wondering how you have been and hoping everything is alright! I put together a little event at Blue Goose today and saw you on their website! I was hoping to see you there but I guess you weren’t working at the time. Keep your chin up Jen =)

  2. 2

    I’ve been checking your blog and missing you…..I hope things perk up for you soon and hugs always! Let’s do lunch again so we can chat….okay?

  3. 3

    I’ve been looking for and missing you…what a rough ride you’ve had. Hoping you see the light at the end of the tunnel and things get sorted to a manageable pace soon. xoxo

  4. 4

    Oh Jen! You’ve been on my mind. I checked the blog a few times and wondered if you were okay. I’m so sorry to hear about your divorce. I really do hope things fall back into place for you soon. xx

    Much love,
    A

  5. 5

    This certainly has been some ride for you. My heart aches for you. I have checked from time to time since there’s been no posts lately and have been worried. You hid your troubles well. Divorce is no fun . . . I’ve been there. But I’m pulling for you that you’ll pull out of this. You’re too good a person to be hurting.

  6. 6

    I am ever so sorry to hear of this. There are many people sending you best wishes via the cosmos… I am one of them.

  7. 7

    Oh Jen!! I am so sorry for the hard time you’ve been going through. Wondering how you are has crossed my mind several times in the last few months…. It’s a sad situation when life seems to keep giving you such challenges and hardships. I know you’re a strong lady and a mother-warrior. You and your kids will make it through this tough time and be better for it. I always say God does not give you more than you can handle… although it doesn’t seem like it when you are going through the challenges. Just keep the faith that you will overcome all these obstacles and you will. I know it’s hard to think positive when you feel like life is beating you up… but try to do it and you will “WILL” it to be better soon. I will send you all my positive thoughts and prayers your way so the roller-coaster ride you are currently on will be over soon. I pray that life settles down for you, you have no more worries of money or your kid’s welfare and you can get back to school so you can continue with your life goals. Take care my friend. We are all here rooting for you…. :)

  8. 8

    Jen, I’m so sorry! Any one of those things would be enough to deal with. Add them all together, and it’s no wonder you’re feeling overwhelmed! I hope you can find some peace real soon.

  9. 9

    Oh Jen, I am so sorry to hear everything that is going on. I wish I was there to give you a hug, and help in some way. You will get through this, and come out the other side a stronger woman. Hard to see that now, and it may take awhile, but it will happen. We are here if you need anything, and will still be here when things settle down!

  10. 10

    balance is hard in the best of circumstances but keep remembering to enjoy those sunsets…

  11. 11

    I am so sorry to hear the struggles you’ve been having, Jen. I have been thinking about you a lot lately and was hoping that everything was OK. I will be praying for you, and no need to be sorry for being absent here. Your serenity and peace is most important! Take all the time you need!

  12. 12

    Jen:

    My heart goes out to you!
    Oh honey! I’m praying for you, that the Lord will give you the strength that you need, and give you the courage for what you think you can’t do, and that He will give you confidence and peace and joy.
    I’m praying for your children also, that they will know that they are loved by both of you, that this has nothing to do with them, and that they won’t be affected in adverse ways.

    Jen if you need to talk please know that I will be here.

    God Bless you my dear!
    Charlie

  13. 13

    You are at the top of my prayer list today Jen. Just remember….He is strong when we are not. He will carry you. I’ve also experienced divorce – yes, every situation is different, but it all is painful, you deal with emotions and are fearful about our children..

    I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Philippians 3:12

    Keep your priorities in place, your needs and your family are first!

  14. 14

    I’m sending positive vibes your way… Remember what goes down must come up (sorry you mentioned roller coasters and I had to make some sort of reference to them). Hang in there… you have a super supportive community behind you!

  15. 15

    Probably no words will make you feel OK right now but I can assure you that this will pass and you’ll have happier and brighter days. This year has been a roller coaster for me too but I am beginning to feel better and I know you will too, just have a little patience. Wishing you the best with all my love…

  16. 16

    Oh sweet Jen… I have been checking your site in the last few months wondering if everything is ok… I am so sorry to hear about your troubles… My heart goes out to you! Sending you big hugs and prayers! We are here for you, sweetie! xoxo

  17. 17

    Jen, I knew something must be going on but just waited till you were ready to let us know. My heart is with you and please know that every post does not need to be witty and light hearted. This is real life and we are here to share both the fun and the sadness. You are a great lady and I know that at this same time next year you will be going strong and have amazing new things in your life.

  18. 18

    Dear Jen…..Two years ago I divorced after 15 years of marriage, returned to the work force after 14 years as a stay home mom and went back to school to see if somehow I could get a degree to help me find a better paying career. I do not know all of the details of your situation and I cannot compare mine with yours because all of us experience life differently, but I can tell you that my heart, my best thoughts and wishes, and a lot of positive energy are being sent from me to you. It is two years later and it is still an ongoing struggle but I am happier, my children are happier and life is so much better. I can’t lie and say it is always easy but I can tell you that time will certainly help. Please feel free to email me if you ever want someone to talk with or just someone to scream your frustrations to. Please don’t disappear from life, it will be hard but staying in contact with people and having their support will truly help you and your children get through this.

    Becky

  19. 19

    Jen, I do not know where to begin. And honestly, what I really want to say I’m not going to write in a blog comment post. So, I’ll just say this…. My heart is with you. Sending you a gigantic hug.

  20. 20

    Oh Jen, I’m so sorry to hear that things are still rough for you. And I know that blogging and trying to be funny and creative is so hard when you’re busy worrying about other things.

    Definitely try to take some little moments for yourself and know that your followers (and fellow bloggers) will be here when you get your mojo back. Sending a virtual hug to you!

  21. 21

    Dear Jen, I am just a ghost reader from Malaysia. I love to read your blog. In our life, there is always up and down. Just like our ten fingers which are not the same lengths. Just face it with positively and with great patience, all will be smooth sailing. Whenever, I feel tremendous stress from work, family and etc, I just cry it all out, laugh at it and all will be better. God bless you and your kids. Take care.

  22. 22

    I am very sorry to read your news. Divorce is hard on everyone, no matter what the circumstances. Take one day at a time and focus on taking care of yourself. You need to be strong for you and your children. I will keep you in my thoughts and wish you the best of luck.

  23. 23

    Jen, I’m so sorry that you’re going through so much! :((( And, what I really feel like saying is that life is a bitch. I know you agree. But you will also agree that in the end life will work itself out, and if it doesn’t, it’s not the end. Please stay strong. You will be okay.

  24. 24

    Jen…I am so glad to see you back here. I have missed you a lot. I can totally relate to having many negative things thrown in your lap all at once. I can only tell you that it doesn’t last forever like that and eventually, one by one, they begin to sort themselves out. Please hang in there. Finding balance is tough even in the best of circumstances. But sometimes you have to put yourself first and do the things that make you happy. I hope one of those things for you, will be to continue blogging. Take your time with things. We are all here for you. Sending out lots of love to you and your girls!

  25. 25

    Missed you, sounds trite but hang in there. I’ve been there – no money, kids, divorce. Ugh. It’s hard and it will take more time than some think. Just keep looking at the sunset and putting one foot in front of the other, a lot of people are pulling for you.

  26. 26

    I wondered if maybe divorce was the case. I am glad that it is something that you wanted but indeed you have had quite a difficult road.

    I check your blog often just to see if there is a note (not even a recipe has to be there) just something that says “Hey I am here and I will be ok.”

    Jen I will pray for you and keep you in my thoughts. I look forward to your return to the blogging world (if you so choose).

    The best to you and your 3 little piglets :)

  27. 27

    I cannot imagine how difficult it must be. My best to you and your children in this difficult time.

  28. 28

    Jen, I’m so sorry to hear about everything you’ve been going through. You said it best, all any of us can do is to take life as it comes, one day at a time. The sun goes down tonight and will rise again for you to cherish tomorrow. You’ve captured so much beauty in your photos and you will find that beauty in your heart again soon. Take care of yourself and the 3 little piglets! Hugs to you – xo.

  29. 29

    I’m so sorry to hear about the hard time you’ve been having. But you are a wonderfully kind person and I know that things will look up for you soon. I’ll keep you in my thoughts!

  30. 30

    Jen, I am so sorry things are so difficult for you right now. I wish there was something I could do to help. Or something I could say to change things. All I can do is say I’m thinking of you and if you ever need to talk or vent let me know. I’m struggling with life a bit myself so I can empathize so much with you. My heart goes out to you my friend. Take all the time you need. xx

  31. 31

    I am sad that you are going through such a horrible time(s). I will add you to my prayers. Please hang in there, this horrible time WILL pass. Your wounds will heal. :)

  32. 32

    Thinking of you an awful lot lately. Missing you – hard to believe it has been so long since I have seen you (at least 17 or 18 years!). I hope you are well and that you will be able to get back to school and blogging soon – I miss your posts and know that many others share my sentiments. You are a very special person – always have been. Amazing that we have been friends since the 3rd grade and are still in touch – that makes me very happy! Much love being sent your way!! :)

  33. 33

    As usual, I am a day late and a dollar short. I was just thinking about how terribly long it’s been since we got together. I sure hope things are going better for you. School starting adds it’s own stresses, too. Just know I am thinking about you!

  34. 34

    I’ve only just read your last post…My thoughts are with you during these challenging times.

  35. 35

    Thinking of you my friend. Please take care. Sending loads of hugs.

  36. 36

    this was very touching and heart breaking to read, so i can only imagine how your reality must be. for now, that is.

    i’m happy you’re still here and entrusting your readers with your honesty.

    big hugs from a reader,

    xx kale

  37. 37

    Hey Jen, don’t know if you remember me or not but I’m Annie and I was in your culinary class. Don’t know why but something made me think of you the other day and I remembered you had this blog! Sorry to hear that you’re going through a rough time :( I really hope that some day you can go back to school because I remember you were one of the best in the class! You also would have LOVED our catering class with Chef Bouman. Hope things are looking up,

    -Annie

  38. 38

    I’m so sorry. I just commented on your latest post without reading this first. Life sometimes throws us a curve ball and it’s difficult to figure out how to straighten it out so it’s smooth sailing again. Although I don’t know you very well I think it’s important to believe in yourself and know you’re a good person. Surround yourself with others that are a positive influence and as I mentioned earlier, exercise. You’d be shocked at what it can do for you. It sets you free and you’ll feel alive again.

    I’m not always happy, but a dose of exercise turns me around and helps me to think clearly, again. Hang in there!

  39. 39

    I just read this post Jen… I’m so sorry to hear that you have been struggling. It’s been a while since you posted this, but hope you are feeling better and things are more calm now. When you read this post one day, you will see how much you got through this hardship. Hang in there and remember that we all food bloggers are always on your side and we’re here to listen to you and help you if you need anything. Sending you big, big hugs!

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